Difficult People @ Work

Dear One,

Have you come across someone who is very difficult to deal with, and you are clueless of your next step; pensive and not wanting to end up hurting them, although your own condition is equally pitiable?

You might wonder, why some people are so difficult to deal with and what is their god damn problem in life. Especially, if your professional luck fails, you are blessed with a difficult, cranky boss. Then your life is a roller coaster of emotional upheavals and downturns. Well, the mood and behavior of the people working close to you, does invariably affect your own. They tend to rub off their high strung qualities on to you and slowly you  too become a hazy reflection of them. So what's the way out?

Firstly, we need to understand, why they are the way they are?

There is no such category of people as difficult people and not-so-difficult people. There’s a category of happy people and unhappy people. Happy people are always easy to work with; unhappy people are always difficult to work with. Someone has become difficult because in some way he’s unhappy. Unless you’re able to see that, and do the necessary correction, all the life situations you may not be able to fix.

You will see whenever you find, or if you catch a person in his happy mood, he is always a wonderful person to meet, he’s always a wonderful person to work with. But if you happen to catch him in an unhappy mood, then he’s a very, very difficult person to work with. It simply means, when boss's is happy - you speak; when unhappy - keep quiet ;-)

Over the years, I too have learned a few survival techniques as a boss and as a sub-ordinate, and they are listed here to help many a flustered souls.

1. Don't mix personal & professional
This is the rule of thumb. Never cross professional boundaries to make your relationship hinge on the personal. It will only spell
D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. Always remember - 'Once a boss, always a boss'. Don't try to get up close and personal with your boss, as it never works in the long run, contrary to all popular beliefs.

2. Let people know the result of their actions
When colleagues miss deadlines, let them know the impact: 'If you don't get it to me until tomorrow, that means we won't have time to check it before the actual presentation,' or whatever. And make sure the impact is in relation to them, not you.

3. Talk in person or by phone
It's notoriously easy to hit the wrong tone and come off sharp, imperious or brusque in email when you don't intend to. Use the phone or drop by their desk when addressing sensitive issues.

4. Be brief
When discussing problems, keep it short and direct. It minimizes a stressful situation for both of you.

5. Handle a whiner with tact
You aren't going to cure a whiner, but you might be able to cure her of talking to you. Don't ask open-ended questions, not even 'How are you?' Limit your greetings to 'good morning' and 'good evening.' And be busy -- all the time.

6. Do your homework
When you go to your boss with an issue or problem, make a list of the specifics you want to address, research the issue and get your facts right. When you have everything ready, schedule a meeting, and be cool and professional.

7. Don't complain
Watch what you say to anyone at work. The only reason to bring up negative issues is to create a plan for correcting them. Complaining for the sake of complaining can alienate colleagues and create a bad environment.

8. Let go of your anger
Sometimes it's hard to get past your own feelings of anger or hurt and your need to get them out. Write how you feel in a letter and mail it to yourself, or keep it at home. Then resolve to put your anger aside. If you're curious in a couple of months, read the letter. You may be surprised at how those feelings have changed.

9. Don't take it personally
Recognize that a criticism of your work is not a criticism of you, and don't let it damage your self-esteem.

10. Stick to the points
Whenever you have to discuss something with a difficult coworker, write down three to five main points, and stick to them. Even if they get off the subject and start saying nasty things, always come back to your main points. That way, you avoid getting embroiled in an argument.

Lastly, every business house, every corporation, every group of people who work together, who intend to work together, should create a culture of peace and happiness in the workplace. If this has to happen, this needs to happen within each individual first.

Happy bossing and good luck being bossed around!

Peace in oneself. Peace in the world.

P.S - I have some more ammo left in my arsenal to share; will do it some other time.